...to Protect the Innocent...

I Cheat...because I can.

     Within the past year I have had sex with 3 of the men I interviewed for my blog/book. They have quite a few points of similarity in their interaction with me:  I have known all three of them for longer than 6 years, started a sexual relationship longer than a year ago, and each of them, based on their own personal definitions of "cheating" was cheating with me.  Two of them, I consider to be the two best sexual experiences of my entire life. Only one of them admitted explicitly that I was a chick on the side...and he just told me...during the interview...a couple days ago...I found out about one of them through a comment and a pregnancy announcement via Facebook in December...the other, I just did the math during our interview.  I was not oblivious to my potential status as "another woman" nor do I feel any ill will toward any one of them for not telling me.  I  rather appreciate that they never told me...even though it was not so difficult to figure out.

  The first personal memory I have of cheating without the consequence of guilt was my sophomore year of high school.  My social sciences teacher was embroiled in a struggle with hay fever, yet still felt the need to surprise us with an early mid-term.  I swaggered to her desk, lifting a copy of the test with one hand while handing her more tissue with the other...and with a hearty "God Bless You" during a short fit of sneezes, I sauntered back.  My heart raced as I used the book to fill in the 3 or so answers of which I was not completely sure, than passed the copy to my friends.  We all knew not to go overboard and have an entire class of 100s...but no one scored less than a high C... I had no NEED to cheat...but it felt good...

     I only consider three of my "inter-gender based ultra-social" interactions (fancy way of saying relationship of some sort with a member of the opposite sex...I just made that up) to be indicative of the phenomenon called a "relationship." What I mean by that is I have only had three men I have ever called my boyfriend.  I have an extensive number of "exes" just because I can think of no simple way of defining them when I talk about my dating experiences, though I have only dated 3 men with whom I have had "The Conversation" which determines that we have some form of stated commitment, an outlet for communication, and created expectations and boundaries.  During all 3 of my explicitly defined relationships, I technically "cheated" with one of the aforementioned men, who we can call Mr. Blonde, Mr. White, and Mr. Pink (I'm a fan of Tarantino films).

     I believe cheating can be physical (sexual acts, kissing, fondling, etc) and non-physical (emotional attachment cultivated through non-physical stimulation).  However, in my world...cheating cannot exist without getting caught.  I have never had a physical interaction outside of my relationship...Maury Povich was very effective in scaring me off of having multiple sex partners (I get nightmares in which I'm pregnant and Maury yells excitedly "You are NOT the father" to everyone.) and I have never been "caught" by my boyfriends.  I answer the phone always, no matter who is calling, in the presence of my men.  I don't speak in hushed tones.  When I am with the men on the side, I answer my phone and call my boyfriends by name, and say "I love you too" when I get off the phone.  My sidelines (LOL) all know about my relationships (except for Mr. Pink...he's actually the guy who just admitted I was his sideline as well)  I have never had a man tell accuse me of cheating. 
..
     I don't start off my relationships with cheating.  When I like a guy, I really like a guy...he gets my undivided attention, I smile when he calls, make weekend plans, and spend plenty of quality time. But with time, it gets old, they get too comfortable, and I bore easily...especially if I feel like I'm not first priority.  It starts with a look...a smile...some mild flirting...some proof that I "still have it" and I haven't "gone soft" just because I'm dating one person.  I don't meet new men when I cheat...I just call my veterans when I need to hear a man's voice and have a good conversation since I can't get that from my man.  It was in discussing cheating with my interviewees, and thinking on my own infidelity that I realized, men can admit that they cheat because an opportunity presented itself...women tend to use excuses.  I "cheat" because...I feel like it...it feels good...and I have yet to feel any guilt.