I like you...but..I Love Football more...

     See the ADORABLE little girl with the pink ruffle around her neck?  Well...she learned how to walk in order to chase the two sports fanatics behind her.  She went to every football practice held at Glenn Hills High School in Augusta, Ga from 1993 to 1997 and every single game.  She joined the band in high school so her father could have no excuse to prevent her from watching Friday Night Football.  She played Rugby in college to get her football fix because she went to a basketball school and she and her friends usually used home football games as adrenaline filled chances to sneak alcohol into the school stadium and use criteria such as turnovers to drive drinking games.  I LOVE FOOTBALL...

     I love the drive...the hulking masses of Man against Man...the sound of bodies smashing into each other...the grunts...the roar.  It takes me back to happy memories so vivid that I can taste the ammonia in the air mixing with the smell of freshly turned earth and grass...and see and hear Coach Quarles letting me think I had really pushed the sled while the top 2 linebackers were just "holding the sides up for me." I love the passion of the game.  I love seeing men want something so bad they will give everything they have and then some more.  I love seeing huge men, in tight pants, covered in sweat, doing manly shit...with the fairly safe assumption that I can fantasize and have a good chance they are straight.

     I love football so much, that I do not allow any man in my romantic life to watch football with me on any consistent basis...and definitely not in the early stages of dating.   It's just...better that way.  The only possible chance anyone has that I can ever be caught driving with one of those plates that reads "House Divided" with the blue Cowboys star and the Redskins' logo is if that man and I don't discuss football within the first 6 months of our relationship and I fall in love before August.  I don't even want a man to know that I watch football...I just disappear at around 6 pm on Sundays, Mondays and Thursdays.  They just love that my work schedule is so convenient that they don't have to choose a date with me or the game.  There are just SOME things men and women should do WITHOUT each other...at least...in the beginning...I need for MEN ESPECIALLY to understand this and STOP BRINGING YOUR CLUELESS, NON-GAME LOVING BITCH TO MY FUCKING SPORTS BAR TO TALK INCESSANTLY DURING MY GAME.

     If I decide to go on a date that coincides with a game night...you better believe its a Bye week for my team, and the teams of any individual players about which I fantasize, or of whom I am a fan.  Otherwise...don't interlope on my fun time...I want to drool over my favorite wide receiver without you.  Would you want me around if you were watching a game from the Lingerie Football League?